why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
