Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
