Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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