we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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