Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
