i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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