hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
