I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my liver is dry heaving
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize