i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize