There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
