Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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