OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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