Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
