She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize