i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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