I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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