Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
