Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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