a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
