You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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