Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
