Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
