You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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