I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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