dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
