franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
