she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
