Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
