my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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