I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
