You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize