yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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