I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
