You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
