dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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