sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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