You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it because I queefed?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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