So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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