He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
