Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
