I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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