I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
