i need an iv and a liver transplant
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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