She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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