my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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