I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
