im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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