I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The air was thick with penises
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
