Betty ford says i'm here all night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
