you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
