either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't turn off my feet"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
