you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
