Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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