It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Randomize
