I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
