i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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