does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
