even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
