I wannas sexs uuuuu
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She needs sedatives and a leash
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
