I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
