I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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