I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
