I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
