I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
