Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
