the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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