He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
