I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
