Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
