remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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