I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
did i just pee glitter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
