worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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