so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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