You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize