Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
