yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
