So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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