its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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