You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
