Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
