I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
