hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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