I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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