Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
