Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
