Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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