sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
