Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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